Thursday, January 29, 2009

from now until forever...

Or until I forget.

Sorry, this isn't some lovely romantic post, I just started singing some old 90's R&B song in my head. But I did intend to make a promise today. Here and Now(rip Luther) even though I don't have spellcheck on my g1 and a majority of my posts are made not only via this phone, but also while I'm in the middle of important activities like driving, working, partying, and drinking, that's no excuse for poor grammar and spelling.
This is unsatisfactory, I was a childhood spelling champ! Ok, not totally, I only made it to the regional competition. The words I was given to study weren't the words they actually tested us for prior to the 'freak out on stage' round, so I never even made it that far. I still totally cried like a little bitch when I didn't make the cut. I later found out some other contestants had been tricked the same way. Conspiracy? Hmmm?

My first grade teacher would kick my ass if she ever saw this blog. She would, trust me, she's still a close family friend, so I know she would. Of course I'd have a great deal to explain besides bad grammar, if she ever read this blog. Too many times I have seen a blog after I posted it and wondered what the hell I was talking about? Not due to my rambling, but just carelessness in trying to bang out my thoughts. Also sometimes due to alchohol. This leads me to my second point/pledge.

I was never a fan of underage drinking, I only began drinking about 3 months before I turned 21. I've never been a fan of binge drinking either. I consider myself a social drinker, so I will say I don't really drink alone. I say 'dont really' here as I bought myself some wine coolers when I first moved into my own apartment, and they took me forever to finish. My theory is, if I'm drinking all by myself, who's there to make fun of, and vice versa?

Since I began drinking, I have definitely had some fun times out and about with friends and family,I n moderation and under controlled circumstances. However in the last year, there were 2 instances that scared the hell out of me. The only 2 times in my life where I may have been conscious and in control at the time, but had absolutely noooo recollection of later:

This past summer, while on a huge roadtrip/reunion with friends and other college/classmates the combination of too much liquor and some very potent ganja was fun. For like a minute. Until I got separated from my friends and confronted, scratch that, CALLED OUT on about my sexuality (which I was only just beginning to question myself at that point) publicly. Some girl I've been a casual quaintance of for a while now, decided this was the best time to holler at me. When I rejected her and denied having any cluew what she was on about, she called bullshit. In front of god knows who. The frightening part of the ordeal was that I could not even remember most of the afternoon. There were people I 'met' later, who told me we had already been introduced and held conversations etc that I couldn't even remember later. It took about 3 days for most of my memory to come back. There are still some huge gaps I wish I could fill in. The chick who confronted me? I don't remember half of what she said, how loud she said it, who else may have heard her, and on and on. I wound up spending the rest of that day trying to sober up and contact even one of my friends who could relate to the breakdown I felt I was going through. I still hadn't told them, and def didn't feel this was the best way to come out. In retrospect, the thing that scared me the most was lack of control. I swore that I would not let that happen again.

So recently I celebrated birthday week. I can't say how many days of the week I spent out partying either on days off or after I got out of work, and each time responsibly. With my trip to the inauguration, and so many other events, it was a pretty busy week. I bragged about getting drunk twice in 24 hrs, about hitting the L Word premiere party only 4 hours before my flight to DC with no rest in between, internally I even was kinda proud of myself over the fact that I've noticed girls either checkin me or dancin with me the last few times I've been out to the straight bars with my friends. I was on a bit of a high.

Well the other day, my friend's friend asked me how much of my birthday I actually remembered. Actually, he asked me if I remember the girl at the club on my bday, I knew her from somewhere else right? I didn't even know what girl he was talking about. The one I was talking to for a long time? Don't remember that either. So it was a safe bet to say I totally did not remember her kissing me, hell I don't even remember her dancing with me. That was enough to weird me out. I know there were definitely people in that club I know, who I'm not quite sure I'm cool with knowing that much about me. Relatively small gripe compared to the part my friend told me about he and his gf basically coming to rescue me from these 3 dudes who were trying to take me home. Not my home, I should add.

I was pretty nonchalant when the whole 'you kissed a girl' thing was brought up. These are my straight friends after all, so I'm sure that raised some eyebrows for them. When the whole 'you were almost abducted my 3 random guys' thing was thrown on the table, I decided I need to set some limits for myself that can ensure my safety and retain control of my circumstances while still allowing me to have fun with my friends. Excluding dinner/houseparties at a select number of friends homes, and drinking in my own abode, I know that I can't have more than like 4 hard liquor drinks in a decent period of time without seriously affecting some of my judgement skills and I just don't wanna go through with that helplessness/loss of control again.

I'm trying to be a more responsible drunk from here out. I've never been one to get shitfaced so i know I can have still have fun. Hell if I can't get my buzz on after 4 drinks, then those are some whack ass drinks I shouldn't be paying for anyway!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

blogging under the influence... of life (and liquor)

I guess you know you're getting older when you spend more than 20 minutes of your birthday reflecting on years gone by and those to come. I turned 24 yesterday. That doesn't have some magical effect on me. I dot t feel like I should be married or with child by this age. There's no checklist I'm behind on. I know for DAMN SURE I shouldn't married or with child at this point. I'm young. This is the time to live and experience. Not even counting that pimp bullshit I talk sometimes, this really is the time of my life to live and experience, and I'm grateful to have it. But like I ssaid, you know you are ar getting a bit older when you start reflecting on the years. Earlier this week "high school confidential" was showing on WE network. I have been wanting to see the show, but haven't had much time to watch tv. Finally I saw a few eps and iy took me back. They follopwed about 12 girls for all 4 yrs of hs. And wow, did that take me back? The interviews w the girls as incoming freshen and then as seniors really did it. I usef to say I did all my living vivaripusly thru my friend in jr high but I was really able to see how much those girls changed and grew and matured in a few yrs and I really recognized how far id come not only from senior to freshman otr from high schooler to colliegate, but it bwas one of the first times I really looked at myself as a full_fleged adult. I'm here. I'm grown. And its up to me and only me to determine what I do with it and make of it. Right now I'm sitting at an upscale bar a few blocks from my very first apartment. I spent what might be the last 20bux in my checking acct to get me open bar for the night. One of my college alumni work promotions here and got me a deal, whereas I make sandwiches @ a timeshare w8ith my 80thousand dollar bachelors degree. I'm waiting for my best friendsa to show up late to my one paersom bday barty so as dickens said it ( and much better) " it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

Monday, January 5, 2009

aisha tyler+ chelsea handler= mmmm... drooling or 'the info button better not be lying to me'

The remotes info button says aisha tylers on chelsea tonight an- ( hold on, I'm picturing that...) I'm halfway throught the show, yet no aisha. First, Chelsea rules. If one could sex intangible personality traits, I would totally do her humor and intelligence. She seems like 1 of the coolest people to party with, so granted chelsea rules, but aisha....mmmm..

Ok she is on give me a min.....

Don't know where my aisha fandom began. I barely watched the soup on E. She's right E, totally sucked a bit back in the days. Then she was ross/joeys girl on friends (and the first recurring black character) and I thought 'shes just so cool'. Last year though, I met a friend of a friend who was much older than me (never would have guessed though) and almost looked like a dead ringer for Ms. Tyler. And I then realized she was hawt as hell. Thank you aisha for my 'i like girls moment.'

God and she did standup... i'd kill to see that. Did she hear me say that? In an effort to prevent senseless violence fueled by my lust for her, sshe's decided to air a comedy special on Comedy central. If that goes on dvd, I'm buying it! And she's in bedtime stories? Maybe I'll see it.

Well ms tyler, Feb 21st comedy central.... consider it a date.

She mentioned a naked pic in allure's nakie issue.... gosh tv is so informative. And props to arlan @ ydlm for posting that clip of her making out with milla jovovich ( which leads me to ask ' why didn't I know when I saw the 5th element?' Seriously, I watched that on repeat. A LOT)

Hope everyones loving this new year! Hollaback!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

dear crush?

(Don't drink and post on AE or you mak think you're being deeper than you are.. courtesy of the 'dear you' thread)

I have to admit, when I see your pic or you come to mind I think "damn! Why are you so awesome?" I can't even pretend I'm not interested. I'm so sure that its obvious, at least it seems so to me. Cuz you know, I wouldn't actually come out and say it, idiot that I am. I'm glad we did get to hang. Don't know if you remember all of it or not, or if u even meant it, could have just been the liquor. I had fun though. If that was the farthest this ever goes, the closest we'll ever get, then I'm cool with that.

For the record tho, in case I never grow the cojones to tell you in person, you are smart, funny, witty, sarcastic, beautiful, cute, sexy, you smell great, and I swear you really did remind me of j beals just a little bit.

I know am a little bit of a bullshitter, but I meant it all. I know I'm still a newbie, and I'm not really lookin for anything, but if I really was the pimpin pirate I pretend to be, id totally be pursuing you.

-some goon