am i turning into a hippie? or...what a week

The car (94 corrolla) that was kinda sucky every now and then finally crapped out on me. Mid transit. Headin to work last week on the side of i95. The older loaner/my first car (85 tercel) my dad let me drive, decied 2 die out of solidariy to the toyota race. So b4 the weekend was over I was @ negative 2 cars. Luckily I live a block or 2 from the tri rail station and there's a stop down the street from work. Learned this week: 5min in a car= 30 on my walmart huffy bmx.

Yep I been biking and using mass transit. Id love 2 say it was a concious effort to go green and save the planet an ish, but not really. It does have benefits:

The 40min car ride I was making? Now a 20min train ride.(plus 30 on bike or 5 on the bus) hmm ok maybe that math isn't convincing but its a helluva workout. I spend at least an hour a day on my bike, working out. And none of that guilt about " ill go to the gym after work if I'm not too tired", I literally HAVE 2 work out to get to work.

I see my endurance growing (tell your friends, lol) a few weeks ago I was getting winded riding to beerpong @ my friends who live in the area. I didn't ride 4 the excercise either. Just cuz I knew I didn't have insurance or a right headlight and I'm scared of dui after 1 unfortunate encounter, that maybe ill write about here one day eventually and perhaps anonymously even tho the other party involved totally knows who she is.

Anyhoo. Now, despite riding to the station then the office this morning and later tonight(tr rail loses 50 points in my book for a HOUR AND A HALF DELAY! Wtf?!) I took a shower and chilled like 30min @ home then headed out 2 beerpong. Pong was canned I guess. Nobody was home. So I rode around to downtown area. Now I got a mega slice of pizza a beer, and I'm chilling in a arty cafe/bar/gallery. Good times. I know ill sleep well tonight.

what do the lonely do... at christmas?

That's song is so one of my favorites... if only for the shrill "whatdootheydoo, whatdotheydoo?" Line. Theis year it is kind of going to be my theme but not in a sad way I guess. My fam is pretty much out of town for christmas and because I have a job that is dumb I'm goin to be at work. Its my first christmas since I moved out as well but there really isn't much to go home to. I'm in the middle of a roomate search so, the place will be empty besides me.. I'm considering inviting whoever amongst my friends that are free to come over. Since I'm petsitting for my fam though I may as well just crash at my parents place and spend the day with the dogs. Its 1 of the puppies 1st birthday anyway, so perhaps he'll appreciate t.. gosh after reading that, it sounds like I'm waay somber. I'm not really. I guess I'm just somewhere north of apathetic. I do care, I'm just not optimistic. I'm not quite sad though. Christmas is my favorite holiday. So ok, I guess I'm a little bummed. If my 2 favorite xmas cds weren't m.I.a. id be playing them 24/7 so I guess until then its just back to the Emotions' biggest hit:

‘Tis the season to be jolly
But how can I be when I have nobody
The yuletide carol doesn’t make it better
Knowing that we won’t be together

A silent night
I know it’s gonna be
Joy to the world
But it’s gonna be sad for me

What do the lonely do
At Christmas
Oh, oh, what do the lonely do
At Christmas time

The children can play with their new toys
While their little hearts burst open with joy
And lovers can kiss beneath the mistletoes
The choirs can sing those glorious songs of old

But what is left
Oh, for me to do
Now that it’s Christmas
And I don’t have you

What do the lonely do
At Christmas
Oh, oh, what do the lonely do
At Christmas time

Oh, oh, what do the lonely do
At Christmas
What do the lonely do
At Christmas

Oh, what do they do, what do they do
At Christmas
Ooh, what do they do, what do they do
At Christmas

Oh, oh, what do the lonely do
At Christmas
What do the lonely do
At Christmas

Oh, ho, what do they do, what do they do
At Christmas

Omigod I'm not that depressed! Please nobody send the authorities for me, I just heard the song driving home and it kinda put me in the mood. I'l be ok tommorrow I swear!

the casual dining industry does not want me to be alone

Warning: the pimping pirate know as Rad, gets a little real farther down, so I'll start with the light stuff. I had today off so I slept, then went over to see one of my best buds from jr high. We all did arts and crafts and I wound up doing a japanese inspired watercolor koi in the ocean that I'd been commisioned to do months ago by another friend. It looks rad, ill have 2 upload it soon.

In other news...

I keep seeing these ads for applebee's and ruby tuesday with their little 2 for $20 type deals enticing us eaters to save them from chapter 11 status or widespread closures. More than an indicator of consumer spending and our economy, I find these new deals have me questioning my social/dating/relationship status.

As someone who'd like to think they are fiscally responsible, I can certainly appreciate the savings provided by these meal deals. But if all I cared about was saving, I could just stay home and eat. As someone who prior to this finacial downturn ate out all the time (that's what SHE said, heh) with friends, family, or significant others, I don't have much desire to chow down on these copycat menus that I've already tired of.

Nope. As irrational as it seems to me, when these ads first caught my eye, all I could think was "I wish I had someone to share that meal with".

I mean I've been doin my own thing for a little while now. Single and mingling. 'Pimpin aint easy'..etc, etc, insert cliche comment here. I've avoided all the aspects of relationships that I found annoying or as I prefer 'stupid', by just not having any relationships (Is that as dumb as it sounds?). I've been content with 'friends with benefits' or dating here and there when someones caught my attention long enough that I felt I could be bothered with them. Of course, I realize how dysfunctional that practice is since dating people you enjoy being with shouldn't be looked at as bothersome.

In all this time, I have not been lonely. I'm quite content with my social life being made up of being social with friends and kin. I don't wanna do it forever though. I do miss the romantic. I mean, I don't consider myself 'romantic', I just like doing nice stuff and making the person I'm with happy. (Mack that I am,) I think I'd rather romance than be romanced. I'm certainly better at giving than getting (she said that, too).

I just haven't felt like being in a relationship. I'm not averse to relationships, I just haven't wanted one in a while. I'm quite capable of love, and dare I say it being 'in love' (I do have an aversion to our society's quickness and callousness with the term, though). I KNOW that I'm capable of lust, as its something I struggle with everytime I get a new crush, or the right person looks my way, or I catch a whiff of a certain perfume...I could go on and on (...too easy...should I even bother?).

I think I am most intrigued by these '2 entree, 1 appetizer'-type combos because they bring out what 2 yrs of mingling/pimping/chilling/chillaxing/playing the field ( or any other cheesy-whack terminology I've used to descibe being single) have yet to...

to occasionally,
sometimes,
Every now and then,
wish there was someone across the table to share the sampler with...